Obama Picks Some Nobody For Treasury (2)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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Wonkette: The D.C. Gossip (394)
1 day, 18 hours
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Well this is terribly disappointing! After a veritable two weeks of post-election speculation about our future Secretary of the Treasury, with an endless parade of sexist buffoons and kindly forest-giants to choose from, Barack Obama goes for some dude named Tim Geithner who appears to be of normal stature and possessed of no serious personality defects. YAWN. Let’s review: President of the New York Fed. Youngish. Not bad-looking. Has worked for the Treasury for a ...
Mukasey Just Had A Touch Of The Vapors (1)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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1 day, 23 hours
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Well phew now everybody can just go back to mocking this guy for being a torture-lovin’ Bush sellout, because that scary incident where Michael Mukasey conked out in the middle of a speech did not signify a stroke or a heart attack or anything serious. He just had what a spokeswoman for the Department of Justice called “a fainting spell,” which is Republican code for “collapse due to oldness.” Michael Mukasey is the most invisible ...
Nate Silver Has Mathematical Theory For Prop. 8 (2)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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Wonkette: The D.C. Gossip (394)
2 days
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Hey gays, you like Nate Silver, yes? He is a vanquisher of angry cursing wingnuts and the sexual mentor to a hot new generation of polynomials. That’s two things to like! In an interview with Queerty he talks about numbers and gay things by explaining why we should blame the passage of California’s Prop. 8 not on black people but on old people of all colors and hues. (You will all click the “MORE” button ...
Check Out The Hot New Sarah Palin/Turkey Grinder Bloodporn (1)
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Jim Newell (200)
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2 days, 13 hours
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Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey at an abbatoir today to celebrate Thanksgiving, a full week beforehand. After pardoning the turkey, Palin partook in her favorite post-election hobby — answering questions from the media — while a turkey butcher worked in the background SLAUGHTERING A TURKEY IN A DEATH GRINDER, while smiling, a la Fargo. It is hilarious. Equally hilarious are the MSNBC captions in this clip, such as, “Gov. Palin Not Realizing Incongruity Of Her ...
Happy Birthday, Joe Biden! (2)
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Ken Layne (140)
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2 days, 14 hours
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Oh check it out, Joe Biden had his little birthday office party today, on his birthday, at Obama’s office tower in Chicago. Joe is 66 years old, and also for his birthday he gets to be vice president, which is a fun thing! (He also has to live in that creepy Observatory and hear the moaning ghosts of Cheney’s victims for the next eight years, but at least he doesn’t have to take the goddamned ...
Retarded Person Has Economic Theory (1)
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Ken Layne (140)
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2 days, 19 hours
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One of the Festivus Miracles of American Journalism is that the Wall Street Journal is such a very good newspaper despite the daily presence of its editorial pages, which are run by a couple of brain-damaged wingnuts who would be unwelcome on AM talk radio, as callers. Today, one of these comical editors has typed up a wonderful economic theory about the current global recession which was caused by unmitigated over-leveraging of fanciful mortgage-based securities ...
Examine Disputed Minnesota Ballots For Laffs! (3)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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2 days, 20 hours
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Oh here is a fun game! Check out these actual disputed voter ballots from Minnesota, and look at what laughable excuses the Coleman and Franken campaigns have for arguing “voter intent” in one direction or the other. Minnesota Public Radio, you have rendered a valuable time-wasting service unto the nation. [MPR via First Read]
Bush Horribly Unpopular At G20 Summit (7)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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3 days, 1 hour
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What is up here? George Bush is not shaking anybody's hand, nobody's shaking his hand, it is an international diplomatic crisis! It will be nice to have a President whom the leaders of other nations do not find so physically revolting they can't stand to touch him briefly. [YouTube]
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Dawn Friedman said:
I don't think this is funny seeing as how in a global economy we need other people in other countries to, you know, RESPECT us. But it's another reason to be glad that he's out of here pretty soon.
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Braden said:
Awwwwww. Poor guy.
Kathleen Parker Mocks the Wingnuts’ God (1)
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Ken Layne (140)
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3 days, 19 hours
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There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, ...
Al Qaeda Twat Is Also Racist Against Our New Black President (2)
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Ken Layne (140)
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3 days, 19 hours
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Here we go and elect a half-muslin African Terrorist as president and the goddamned terrorists are complaining? We thought they would greet their New Liberator with sweets and handjobs! But no, Al Qaeda is still a bunch of twats. Listen what the latest YouTube guy of the never-ending supply of “Al-Qaida’s No. 2 Leaders” has to say about Barack Obama! In al-Qaida’s first response to Obama’s victory, al-Zawahri also called the president-elect — along with ...
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Austin said:
"Al Qaeda is still a bunch of twats." Amen.
NYT: Disgraced Alaskan Senator Was A Mummy (1)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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4 days
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Ted Stevens didn’t have a chance at winning his Senate race — not after reports surfaced that the RNC had paid $150,000 for his elaborate pine-tar facials and wardrobe of decaying burlap sacks. Thanks to commenter “belmonttau” for the screenshot.
Nate Silver Cussed Out By Angry Wingnut (1)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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4 days, 1 hour
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Wow! One might have guessed, given his charmingly nerdsome appearance and general blinky “how do I translate from numbers into English?” mannerisms that Nate Silver would be somewhat conflict averse. But no man he BRINGS IT. He interviewed some guy who commissioned a Zogby poll that proved, factually, that Obama voters are all a bunch of ignorant black Muslims. There’s even a YouTube to prove it! Anyhow Silver called up this very shirty gentleman John ...
Is Obama’s Attorney General Secret Space Pirate? (4)
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Ken Layne (140)
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4 days, 1 hour
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The new Attorney General for President Hopesalot is Eric Holder, who was the deputy AG back when Bill Clinton was doing whatever slimy stuff, etc., this is what you get, but wait! Doesn’t this character look exactly like a convicted space monster from the early 1980s? Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff suggests Holder is actually a smuggler who ran spice out of Bill Clinton’s Mena Airport in Arkansas.
Dick Cheney And Alberto Gonzales Indicted For ‘Prison Profiteering’ (1)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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4 days, 1 hour
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Well, it would be nice if these guys ever went to jail for anything, but it seems unlikely that they will go to jail for this. A grand jury in South Texas handed down indictments against various current and former public officials connected with wrongdoing in private prisons — including, most notably, Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales. The prison company, The GEO Group, was charged with three counts of murder and manslaughter. This is an ...
Oral Roberts College Fires 10% Of Workforce (1)
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Ken Layne (140)
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4 days, 11 hours
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Times are tough, and nothing is funny, but sometimes the “real” God (the Economy) plays an amusing prank on various fools who bet on the fake god: “Oral Roberts University will lay off about 100 employees, days after it agreed to a near-$450,000 separation agreement with its former president who resigned amid a spending scandal. The layoffs represent roughly 10 percent of the university’s work force.” PS: You don’t really need to go to “university” ...
Getch’r Tickets To Sean Hannity’s Concert Series! FOR AMERICA. (1)
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Jim Newell (200)
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4 days, 17 hours
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Hmm. It appears as though this is happening next summer. Should we see Sean Hannity’s Bill Ray Cyrus brood over an extended version of “Achy Breaky Heart,” or shall we instead go with Sean Hannity’s Oliver North, who will… sell weapons to us? In musical form? What? [Freedom Concerts '09]
Obama Dupes Nation’s Gullible Children (3)
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Sara K. Smith (104)
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5 days
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Here is a heartwarming story: a little boy- or girl-child writes to Barack Obama to say, “Hey man whatsup I want U 2 B purznit” (that is how children write today, in America). And Barack Obama, a man with infinite time and letter-writing resources, pens a unique personal response to each and every one of these precious children and signs it with a nice blue pen! Barack Obama is a magical patron of youngsters — ...
Christian Group Lays Off Hundreds After Spending All Money On Prop 8 Passage (5)
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Jim Newell (200)
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5 days, 15 hours
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Here’s a delicious chunk of schadenfreude for all of our uniformed men and women in the Gay Militia fighting the fundies out West: “[Colorado Springs-based ministry] Focus on the Family announced this afternoon that 202 jobs will be cut companywide, bringing the total number of employees to around 950. …The cutbacks come just weeks after the group pumped more than half a million dollars into the successful effort to pass a gay-marriage ban in California.” ...
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db said:
Dumbasses.
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Vitak said:
Good to know that Focus on the Family has its priorities straight. You know, making sure that their employees can feed their families and such. Snap.
Slaves Vote Heavily In Obama’s Favor (2)
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Jim Newell (200)
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5 days, 17 hours
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Whoa, it’s the electoral map with… with freakin’ dots all over the damn place, just cold clusterin’ and aggregatin’ over the blue areas. It is this: “Strange Maps overlays cotton production in 1860 with the 2008 presidential results.” Awkward! And as you can see, we’ve “overlaid” — with a retarded X — the approximate location of John McCain’s Mississippi plantation, which he refuses to visit for sexy parties every single year. [Strange Maps via Andrew ...
