The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss (1)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
10 hours, 17 minutes
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(I am showing a guinea pig to a middle aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.) Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?” Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.” Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”
Liar Liar Pants On Fire (1)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
10 hours, 17 minutes
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Me: “Hello, *** Customer Support, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi, I have a problem with my bill.” Me: “Let’s have a look at it, can you give me your customer number please?” Customer: “Sure, it’s…” (While he gives me the number, the fire alarm goes off.) Customer: “What is this noise?” Me: “It’s the fire alarm, Sir. I’m afraid I have to call you back later.” Customer: “Oh, I see. Well, can we ...
It’s Always The One You Least Suspect (1)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
10 hours, 17 minutes
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(My job at the theme park is to explain the rules at certain rides.) Mom: “Who told you couldn’t ride sweetie?” Kid: *points at me* Mom: “Why did you send my kid back down to me?!” Me: “Sorry, he’s too short for this ride, but you guys are more than welcome to play in the other areas.” Mom: *points at another kid* “But he is WAY shorter than my son!” Me: “No, sorry. I measure ...
Our bright and glorious future (2)
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Jon Stewart is brilliant (8)
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Pharyngula (164)
1 day, 16 hours
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Watch him demolish the Republicans with their own hypocritical words. Read the comments on this post...
Baptism On A Budget (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 7 hours
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Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.” Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.” (Outside…) Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?” Me: “Um, ok.” (The customer climbs in.) Customer to companion: “Ok, now you get in too, see if we will both fit.” (The customer’s companion climbs in.) Customer: “Ok, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using ...
Way, Way Too Much Information (4)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 7 hours
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Customer: “Oh, I almost forgot… I need a lighter.” Me: “Alright. Well, here are the various ones we have.” *points at lighters* Customer: “Can you pick one out for me?” Me: “Sure thing, sir. Any particular design or color you like?” Customer: “Clear, just like my underwear.” Related: Way Too Much Information TMI (Too Much Information)
Vague & Vaguerer (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 15 hours
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Me: “Good morning, *** Homes.” Customer with really thick accent: “How much is house?” Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?” Customer: “No, how much is house? House?” Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.” Customer: “House! How much is house?!” Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a ...
Grannies: Gotta Love ‘Em (11)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 15 hours
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(A new employee informs me that she spotted a little boy sneaking some candy in his pants. I confront the boy and an older woman about it.) Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Hey, kiddo, what’s in your pocket?” Boy: “Nothing!” Granny: “Oh, h***, again?! Boy, if you don’t put that d***ed candy back, that lady gonna call the po-po on you! And I ain’t gonna stop her none.” (The boy, crying, hands me 2 candy bars ...
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Jen said:
if you don’t put that d***ed candy back, that lady gonna call the po-po on you! And I ain’t gonna stop her none.”
Playing Hide And Don’t Seek (5)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
5 days, 4 hours
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Bookstore customer: “Do you have the CD, Lord Lift Our Voices Up On High, Volume 11?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t have it. We do have Volumes 9 and 10. I can show you where they are.” Customer: “No, no, I already have those. I like them. Do you have God Loves America, Volume 12?” Me: “Let me check… yes! We have that one. I can show you.” Customer: “Do you have God Loves ...
Citizens Of Puooiam, The Customer Is Always Right (2)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
5 days, 16 hours
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Me: ”… we will pick you up at the Pulliam airport.” Customer: ”How do you spell Pulliam?” Me: ”P as in Paul, U as Umbrella, L as in Lily–” Customer: ”Lily doesn’t start with O. You meant to say Oscar.” Me: ”But the letter is L. As in Lily, Lock, Luke…” Customer: ”None of those words start with O.” Me: ”You’re right… anyway, it’s spelled it PULLIAM.” Customer: ”You mean PUOOIAM.” Me: ”Sure…”
For You, We’re Always Closed (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
5 days, 20 hours
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(The diner I work in is a 24 hour restaurant, and closes only on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Years Eve after 6pm.) Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [diner]. How may I help you?” Caller: “Yes, what time do you close?” Me: “We don’t close until Thanksgiving–we’re 24 hours.” Caller: “I don’t care what time you close on Thanksgiving, I want to know when you close TONIGHT.” Me: “… 5 pm.” Caller: “THANK ...
When They’re Right, They’re Right (6)
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