More Like The Gas Beneath My Pants (1)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
2 days, 12 hours
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Me: “Hello, *** Music. How may I help you?” Customer: “I was wondering if you had the sheet music for ‘Hero’.” Me: “Mariah Carey?” Customer: “No! Bette Midler!” Me: “Oh! ‘Wind Beneath My Wings!’ Sure, we’ve got it!” Customer: “Huh?” Me: “The song is called ‘Wind Beneath My Wings.’ It’s one of the most popular vocal arrangements on the market.” Customer: “No, it’s that one about her hero.” Me: ”Yeah…” *sings* “… did you ever ...
I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato (2)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
2 days, 12 hours
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(I work in the deli of a very small grocery store. My co-worker had just walked out of the deli, leaving me in the back alone.) Cashier: “Deli, you have a customer!” Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t see you there. I was just washing my hands. Can I get you something?” Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES.” (I know for a fact that he couldn’t have been there for more than a ...
Around The World In 80 Epithets (7)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
2 days, 16 hours
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Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get for you today?” Customer: “Well hello dearie, what kind of mild coffee do you have today?” Me: “Our light roast today is our Guatemala.” Customer: “Oh no. I don’t want coffee made by [racial epithet].” Me: “Um… well, our dark roast is our Ethiopian. Customer: “I don’t want [another racial epithet] coffee either! Can’t you get me some American coffee? Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, coffee beans don’t ...
Just Another Day In Bedrock (5)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
2 days, 16 hours
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(Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.) Customer: “Yabba dabba.” Me: “What?” Customer: “Yabba dabba.” Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.” Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.” Me: “You don’t say?” Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!!” Me: “Doo. Have a good day.” Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves* (He comes back about two hours later, talking regularly ...
Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
2 days, 17 hours
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Me: “Hello, may I help you?” Customer: “I’d like some baked chicken.” Me: “I’m sorry, we only have fried chicken.” Customer: “How about roasted chicken?” Me: “No, we only have fried chicken.” Customer: “How about broasted… boasted chicken?” (Yes, she actually said boasted chicken.) Me: “No, ma’am, all we have is plain old fried chicken.” Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves* Boss: “Hey, don’t call the chicken old.” Me: *facepalm*
Baptism On A Budget (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 9 hours
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Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.” Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.” (Outside…) Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?” Me: “Um, ok.” (The customer climbs in.) Customer to companion: “Ok, now you get in too, see if we will both fit.” (The customer’s companion climbs in.) Customer: “Ok, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using ...
Way, Way Too Much Information (4)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 9 hours
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Customer: “Oh, I almost forgot… I need a lighter.” Me: “Alright. Well, here are the various ones we have.” *points at lighters* Customer: “Can you pick one out for me?” Me: “Sure thing, sir. Any particular design or color you like?” Customer: “Clear, just like my underwear.” Related: Way Too Much Information TMI (Too Much Information)
Vague & Vaguerer (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 17 hours
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Me: “Good morning, *** Homes.” Customer with really thick accent: “How much is house?” Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?” Customer: “No, how much is house? House?” Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.” Customer: “House! How much is house?!” Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a ...
Customer Of The Week: Pet Care Hotline (2)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 17 hours
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NEW: Not Always Right is pleased to announce Customer Of The Week, a comic which will run every Wednesday. It’s based on Not Always Right stories and is created by the fantastic folks at Quitting Time! Created by our friends at Quitting Time Original Story: Actually, Fido Is A Weapon Of Mass Destruction
Grannies: Gotta Love ‘Em (11)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
3 days, 17 hours
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(A new employee informs me that she spotted a little boy sneaking some candy in his pants. I confront the boy and an older woman about it.) Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Hey, kiddo, what’s in your pocket?” Boy: “Nothing!” Granny: “Oh, h***, again?! Boy, if you don’t put that d***ed candy back, that lady gonna call the po-po on you! And I ain’t gonna stop her none.” (The boy, crying, hands me 2 candy bars ...
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Jen said:
if you don’t put that d***ed candy back, that lady gonna call the po-po on you! And I ain’t gonna stop her none.”
The Logic Is Weak In This One (2)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
4 days, 10 hours
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(A man comes out of the fitting room with a pair of pants and talks to my coworker.) Customer: “So… it says here on the hanger, that it’s size 34. The tag says 34, and this other tag says 34. But there’s no freaking way I can fit into these! So what does that mean? Coworker: “Well, I guess that means you’re not a size 34…” Customer: “Oh. Thanks.”
When Customers Attack (6)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
4 days, 17 hours
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(A lady comes up to me with a cart.) Lady: “Where’s the toilet paper that’s on sale?” Me: “It should be in aisle 18.” (We’re looking for the toilet paper when another man comes up and stands quietly nearby, clearly waiting for me to help him. The lady turns to the man and RAMS him with her cart.) Lady: “Stay back f***er! She’s helping me first!” Man: “Excuse me? I was just waiting to ask ...
Not Quite The Cat’s Meow (5)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
4 days, 17 hours
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(I work for an online traffic school and for some of the counties, we need them to put answers to security questions. Me: “Hi, this is ***, how can I help you?” Caller: “Hey, it says that I missed a security question and that I need to call this number to continue.” Me: “Okay, what question did you miss?” Caller: “I missed what is my favorite animal.” (I get his personal information and look up ...
One Last Parting Shot, Part 3 (5)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
4 days, 19 hours
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(An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.) Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.” Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.” Me: “No, ...
Playing Hide And Don’t Seek (5)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
5 days, 6 hours
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Bookstore customer: “Do you have the CD, Lord Lift Our Voices Up On High, Volume 11?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t have it. We do have Volumes 9 and 10. I can show you where they are.” Customer: “No, no, I already have those. I like them. Do you have God Loves America, Volume 12?” Me: “Let me check… yes! We have that one. I can show you.” Customer: “Do you have God Loves ...
We Stand Up For Our Own (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
5 days, 21 hours
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(It’s Christmastime, which is always hellish at our video game store. There is a giant line running all the way to the back of the store, and I am serving a young boy and his grandfather.) Me: “Your total comes to $68.98.” Customer: “What? That’s too high. That game was fifty dollars.” Me: “Oh, the game is actually $59.99.” Customer: “I told you I didn’t want any of your extra s***. I just want this ...
For You, We’re Always Closed (3)
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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes (143)
5 days, 22 hours
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(The diner I work in is a 24 hour restaurant, and closes only on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Years Eve after 6pm.) Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [diner]. How may I help you?” Caller: “Yes, what time do you close?” Me: “We don’t close until Thanksgiving–we’re 24 hours.” Caller: “I don’t care what time you close on Thanksgiving, I want to know when you close TONIGHT.” Me: “… 5 pm.” Caller: “THANK ...
FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments (1035) permalink
Submitted by FrankShared by Alex (102) AnthonyLBest (5) Beebs (6) Belote (6) Bob Lee (16) Convoluted (15) Dwayne (4) Gary (4) haggaret (30) Hermes Freitas (15) Ian (14) Jeff (51) Leooon (19) Rick (27) Ryan Kennedy (15) Slobokan (2) Timo Heuer (14) TiTi (109) Tristan (21) Victor M.J. (12)Engrish Funny: Engrish Pictures That Is Your Funny Engrish (61) permalink
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE A political thriller based on events occurring in the oil rich Middle East. Engrish Photo By: Dave SShared by d1g1t (322) haggaret (30) K (23) Maude (21) Rafael (20) Tor Erling (132) Tristan (21) Vince (24)Contribute comment
